Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
