No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
