Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
