i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
