I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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