you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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