my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
