If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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