...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
