you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize