I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
