my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
