I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dick very happy bro
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