I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my shit smells like andre
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
two words...techno handjob
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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