Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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