I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
