speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize