Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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