if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
