Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
