the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
