so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
