did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize