that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
