five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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