worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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