it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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