Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're chasing vodka with high fives
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
