It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
