please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
