also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
