Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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