Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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