He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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