Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
another moral hangover. fuck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
