it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
