the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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