so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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