why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize