We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
