just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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