Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
