using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
