i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
