Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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