I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
