What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
