i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
