Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
