marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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