i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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