I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
