i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
