I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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