She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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