I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
