got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No subtext here. People are naked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
