Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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