But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
