i don't like sucking hair
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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