Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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