Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
