Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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