He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
