Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
