just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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