did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
