I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
