matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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