chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
