I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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