The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
