so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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