Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
